Reflection by Mayra Leen 

What is it with us overachievers? 
The ones they call dreamers and believers. 
We plan and we plot, not taking time to see the miracles before us. 

We ask, we want, we conquer, but we don't find satisfaction. 
We work and work and try and try, not realizing the planet will still spin even if we're not the ones pushing it.
 
The world, life itself, is happening for us. 
But at some point, somebody made us believe we're not good enough. 
Somebody called out the bad in us. 
Somebody called me wrong. 

In a time before I was self-conscious, I had to look at myself for the first time through the lens of someone else and identify the flaws they might find.

Eventually I forgot how to see myself,
how to feel myself,
how to know myself.

I only knew the view of everyone else. 
I could only see the flaws, the ways to do it better and be better. 
And I began to see the whole world through those lens; scanning for the worst in others, for the way they could do it better and be better. 

I'm 30 years old and I still find myself holding the lens of the one who broke me. I open the drawer next to me and find thousands more of every single person I ever cared to impress

and I'm exhausted. 

I shatter them all in angst, and I'm afraid. 
Because it's been a long time since I've seen with my own eyes. 
It's been a long time since I see those I say I love without the filters of right and wrong. 

To truly see someone...
To truly see myself... 

I see love in raw form. 

Much love,

Mayra

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