This is a bit of an advanced post on the Law of Attraction. For beginner’s, it might be helpful to review the basic terms of Abraham Hicks teachings here. Otherwise, let’s jump in.
I heard about the Law of Attraction long before I actually knew what it was. I thought the Law of Attraction was a thing people did to believe in their dreams something like affirmations. Now I understand that the law of attraction is simply the explanation of how the universe works (kind of like gravity, it’s a thing whether you believe it or not). There’s no secret to it, it’s obvious all around you: You get what you think about. Like attracts like. That which is like unto itself is drawn (as Abraham and Esther Hicks put it).
So there’s no secret per se. The secret (or more like less known thing) is how you can use the knowledge to your benefit by simply getting into the state of allowing (which is more about you not doing the things you do that keep you away from your natural, loving, allowing state).
We’ll talk all about this, but first let me explain why you might feel like your focus on the Law of Attraction is actually making things worse. Here’s a quick summary:
- The universe is responding to what you mean, not what you’re saying
- You’re not taking full ownership of your experience
- You have split energy
- You’re trying too hard
- You don’t actually believe the universe will conspire in your favor
- The contrast is just more obvious (Bonus)
As we go into the details, I’ll share what I’ve done when I find myself in these places in order to return to a more allowing place. In any state, we are looking for the path of least resistance because that will always be our path of most allowing. It’s also the path of most fun and pleasure, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
So, why might the law of attraction be backfiring on you?
Reason 1: The Universe Responds To What You Mean, Not What You’re Saying
The key here is understanding that every single subject is two subjects – what’s wanted and the absence of it. For example, if you’re sick, you want health. The subject here is health and the absence of it. So there really is only one subject – health. To explain this, Abraham tells us to think of each subject as a stick with two ends – one end is the existence of it in your life and the other is the absence of it. If you’re sick, you’re likely on the absence end of the health stick. The good news is that you are on the health topic. The bad news is that when you think you’re focused on getting healthier, you might very well still be on the absence end of the stick. It’s very nuanced, but you’ll definitely know when you’re focused on health rather than still sick and trying to be healthy.
Think about all subjects – money, love, happiness, it’s all either there or not there. We label the absence of these things as poverty, hate, or depression. So when you ask for something like more money. Think of the essence that you’re vibrating. Are you vibrating lack? Are you more aware of the need or feeling relief at the anticipation of the solution?
You know by how you feel. Do you feel desperate or hopeful? Do you feel worse or better when you think about the subject?
So what’s the solution when you’re on a subject that brings an empty pit feeling or more stress? You change the subject. You find something that you can focus on that feels even just slightly better. This can be your pet, your child, or the one thing going right in your life.
This works because once you’re on the wanted side of the stick pile, energetically, you are at closer proximity to the wanted side of all the sticks in your pile – health, wealth, love, purpose, and more. (This is why gratitude is so powerful!)
This is hard, though. This is opposite of what most self-help gurus tell us to do, which is to struggle our way, and don’t let it go, and don’t give up, and stick with it.
If you want to “work through” your issue, we’ll be talking about what that looks like in the next few sections, but please know there’s an easier way and that’s to just to let it go.
You’re not letting go of the desire. That’s not possible. You are letting go of the struggle.
It sounds lazy to our minds who are taught the only way is through hard work, but this is how to leverage the powerful energy that created worlds. It’s becoming and reaching for the highest and best feeling you can despite circumstances to the point where the universe is compelled to draw to you more things that feel like that. It must. That’s the law of attraction.
Again, this can be taken out of context if you still don’t understand the polarity of each subject. I’m not saying fake it til you make it. You cannot fool the universe. The Law of Attraction is consistently matching your vibration on whatever subject. What I’m saying is find a subject that feels better genuinely and amplify it and/or just don’t think for 15-20 minutes. Meditation releases all vibration which is just as good because your natural state is allowance!
Reason 2: You’re Not Taking Full Ownership Of Your Experience (Page 2)
Reason 2: You’re Not Taking Full Ownership Of Your Experience
This one is easy to understand, but not very easy to implement. The law of attraction tells us that everything is attraction. Everything is attraction, attraction, attraction. There is no law of assertion meaning there can never be something in your experience or even proximity that does not match at some level a part of what you are radiating.
This is annoying because that means every single person in your life that annoys you, harms you, or offends you is because you two are a vibrational match. Yikes! Trust me, a big pill to swallow, I know.
So when your spouse is being mean or your child is disrespectful, it’s because you’re bringing this aspect out of them. Their disrespectfulness matches your insecurities or their meanness matches your lack of self worth. It could be a variety of things but vibrations are on a spectrum and similar vibrations like to hang out together. Don’t you notice how children will behave differently with different people? Or how sweet and kind your spouse and children are to strangers?
Every person (just like every thing) is also a combination of what is wanted and the absence of it, so the question is whether you are more of a vibrational match to their wanted side or unwanted side. This is true for you, too. We’ve all had moments when we were nasty to someone or misbehaved in some inexplicable way. On the other hand, you have those encounters with people that propel you to rise to be the best version of yourself because it’s what they expect from you. They believe in you. They love you unconditionally.
Sometimes even certain environments make us behave differently, you kind of feel the energy and it makes you feel elegant, free-spirited or suspicious. But what’s interesting is that not everyone will feel the way you feel in those environments because you’re actually just resonating to the vibration that matches you in that moment even though you think you’re responding to the environment itself.
This is true for experiences like stubbing your toe, getting in a fender bender, or falling in love. You match the vibration of the wanted or unwanted experience in that moment.
In essence, I’m explaining what the law of attraction looks like in your day to day life because this deeper understanding is what people miss. I do it, too. I notice it frequently with my interactions with my spouse only because he’s very sensitive to my vibration. We can get into an argument and then I start to remind myself that I control my experience, I can be happy, and I don’t need conditions to be perfect, and every time I do the vibrational work, in that second things change. He comes to check-in or help or hug. When I don’t do the work, it gets worse until I do which can last days. The subject of the argument is irrelevant to the intensity. My relationship is my immediate proof that my vibration dictates my experience. I take full ownership of how my relationship unfolds now because it’s about my vibration and what I’m attracting from my partner. Period.
Begin to test this by noticing how you felt and what happened. When I first started doing this, I would lie to myself when I knew I was off, but the law of attraction is consistent and will still show you how you feel (what you are vibrating) even if you don’t want to admit it. If you’re off, your day is off. When you choose to be happy and be grateful, the ideas flow and people flow and the cashier is sweet to you that day. Pay attention and you’ll see the consistency of this.
You can also pay attention to what happened and then evaluate how you felt, honestly. Then, no matter what happens – good or bad – say “I did that. I am a powerful creator, and I did that.”
I’ve started laughing now when I spill my coffee or hit my head because I think the universe just wants to let me know how I am doing vibrationally ASAP before anything more serious manifests. So after I say “dammit!”, I tell the universe thank you and remind myself that I must watch my vibration because I am a powerful creator.
But it’s so much more fun (and necessary) when you have a pleasant moment, when you choose to change your vibration, and the person changes, the situation turns around, you have a good time, you get the good news, things feel like they’re effortlessly falling into place, and then you say, “I did that! I’m a powerful creator.”
Reason 3: You Have Split Energy (Page 3)
Reason 3: You Have Split Energy
So what is split energy? Split energy is when you hold contradicting ideas or beliefs. If you feel stuck, you lack clarity, you feel lost: you likely have split energy.
Split energy is very common, and you won’t ever reach a state where you’re pure bliss on this earth. We kind of will always have a bit of resistance because that’s how new desires manifest. We must be aware of things we don’t like in order to launch new rockets of desire to the universe. From there, we kind of then need to do the work to move towards our desired vibration and stop focusing on the lack of it. This is the process of expansion, the process of life itself. The conscious choosing of your energy is what a full life looks like.
Let me give you some examples of split energy which comes from split beliefs:
- I want to lose weight, but I have failed so many times, it’s so hard, plus I’m big boned
- I want to start a company, but no one will pay me for this, good clients aren’t easy to find, I’m going to have to work super long hours, and I have no capital
- I want a loving relationship, but all the good ones are gone
- I want to be happy, but I think something is just wrong with me
- I wish I had more time and freedom now, but the only way to get ahead is to struggle and work hard, put in a lot of hours and sacrifice.
- There’s not enough time to do all the things I want to do
- I’m too old, too young, too fat, too skinny, too white, too ethnically ambiguous, too poor, too invested, too shy, too afraid, too late
Split energy is having a desire and holding beliefs that specifically hold you back from achieving that desire.
You see why this is a lifelong effort? But I promised some opportunities to “work through” your issues. Again, it’s not necessary to fight all the disempowering beliefs head-on if you’re able to spend more time on the positive, grateful, wanted side of the subject pile.
But for most of us, we like cleaning before the cleaning person arrives. That’s because most of us have the belief that self-improvement is supposed to be hard work (split energy). We want to wrestle with our demons and cast out the darkness when though the universe created electricity and the light switch is right there.
That’s all fine because honestly we’re so caught up in the old stories and we have a whole history with each belief we hold. It’s good to understand some of that even though it’s not necessary to achieve or step into your higher place.
One more analogy to help you understand why this is important, but also not that important. Imagine you’re a house with water pipes. Your natural state is to flow water. Your pipes are clogged. The plumber can work on clearing out all your pipes and who knows how many there are or (s)he can lay new pipes in the house. What’s cool is the house is an ever-expanding house, so there’s no space issues.
Unclogging your pipes is like cleaning out the closet of your beliefs and energy. It’s valuable because you feel immediate relief and you also understand what tripped you up, so you won’t trip up again! While laying new pipes still gives you the same result without stirring the whole pot. Plus you get to design things exactly like you want them instead of editing what you have.
Most of us are doing a combination of these two tactics and all is good. No right or wrong way, but it’s good to be self-aware. It’s nice knowing that you don’t have to fix everything. You can just begin to dream a new life and begin tuning into that fresh vibration altogether.
The solution to split energy is simple, but not easy.
- Identify your conflicting beliefs and understand them with compassion
- Recognize the bullshit of it (question their validity)
- Reframe the belief or dissolve yourself from it completely
This can look like a simple journaling exercise where you begin with brutal honesty stating what you want and how you feel about you and your ability to have, be, or do that thing. Then pause and ask yourself if it’s true, if the opposite is true, and what is truer than this?
This is where healers, therapists, hypnotherapists, and coaches can do wonders because sometimes it’s hard to see your own truth. And even if you do, it’s hard to turn it around on your own. But you can do this! You must do this because honestly there’s too many subjects and not enough time to resolve all of these if you’re not doing some of this work on your own.
Hypnotherapy and specifically my Confidence Program helps with identifying the conflicting thoughts, removing the disempowering ones, and strengthening the desired ones. Here’s a link to learn more.
Reason 4: You’re Trying Too Hard (Page 4)
Reason 4: You’re Trying Too Hard
If up to this point you’ve felt like “yeah yeah I know all this”. If you’re super self-aware and you have practices, and you’re consistent about it, and you still feel frustrated because you’re not seeing results, then it’s very likely your issue is that you’re simply trying too hard.
This is my current issue. I learn about things and then I go full force. I meditate everyday, I focus intently, I journal, I do the processes, and at some point I’m just struggling again.
Remember, it’s not about the action or the words, it’s about the vibration. At some point you must realize that you do not have to figure it all out, you don’t have to control everything, you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to know when, you don’t have to help the universe keep the planet orbiting in perfect proximity to other planets. That’s not your job.
You are a human being not a human doing. You don’t have to prove your worthiness. You don’t have to show results or outcomes. You just have to let yourself be.
Trying hard is the absence of what for you? What is it that you’re looking for? Ease? Fun? Peace? Self-love?
What does the opposite of struggle and hard-work feel like for you?
I wasn’t sure recently, so I just took a day and didn’t take the to-do list, and didn’t take the books and the journals, and just sat in a steam room, a sauna, and a hot tub in silence. You don’t need to do a spa day, but give yourself moments when you let go of the need to accomplish anything!
Recently, I realized that my meditation was a checklist item, a thing to accomplish and track on the app. Although there’s nothing wrong with the apps, for me, it was taking away the purpose of letting go and just being because I was focused on my doingness instead of the nothingness.
Recognize when your own practices are counterintuitive to your allowing state.
For us overachievers this is hard, but necessary. You must separate yourself from your need to take action.
Can you be happy, proud, and fully in love with yourself even if you don’t accomplish anything on your to-do list or your bucket list?
If an activity is a means to an end, you’re not in the allowing state.
That’s tough because unless you’re consciously following your bliss, you’re likely doing something for some outcome. I would simply ask yourself if that outcome would not be, would you still do this?
The Abraham fanatics who have really understood the teachings are living blissful lives.What we can do is find ways to go with the flow, plan less, listen intently, pause more, daydream, take naps, and play just a little more each day.
Reason 5: You Don’t Actually Believe The Universe Will Conspire In Your Favor (Page 5)
Reason 5: You Don’t Actually Believe The Universe Will Conspire In Your Favor
Of course, you can’t actually let go if you don’t believe the universe has your back. And isn’t that exactly what we are saying when we tell the universe, move out of the way, I’ll get it done, I’ll find the right person, I’ll get the money, I’ll go it my way. Sometimes we’re more subtle. We just put our foot down, we establish a timeline, we figure out the “how” and then expect the universe to conspire in the specific way we laid it out.
But before you go down that route, think about it: what has your role been in the most magnificent times of your life or the big shifts in your life when you found your lover, became a parent, got the job, found the clients, the funding, or otherwise the solution when you couldn’t see one. You might think it was all you (or perhaps it’s obvious it wasn’t you at all), but let’s stick with the parent thing because I believe that’s one of the most miraculous things we do as a species. Sure, you did the thing and maybe carried the baby, but who made the heart, who designed each strand of hair, who drew the lungs, who pumped the blood, who coordinated the food to the fetus? Even if you’re the smartest person in the world, you couldn’t figure this out on your own. You cannot create a baby because you don’t know how life works. Neither do doctors or scientists.
I wrote this whole blog article in one go, and I had to pause here. I wasn’t sure how to phrase this part. I closed my laptop. I put on a Abraham Hicks video on YouTube, and of course in the message Abraham was explaining how we don’t know how electricity works. No one really does. We’ve learned to use it to our advantage and to create light, but we don’t know how things work. Especially for most of us, we just know how to switch the light.
So when we try to figure things out on our own, we get overwhelmed, we don’t know how it can all come together or where the money is going to come from or where the satisfying career is going to be or how all of your interests can be synchronised in your life’s purpose.
If you think you have to figure it all out, you will be perpetually overwhelmed because just like you can’t actually make a baby without the use of the natural energy of life, you can’t actually attract the things you want. You can only vibrate higher and trust that the universe will do its thing. You must know that life will respond accordingly. That life is good.
Look around. How many trees are growing right now? How is the sun in perfect proximity to the earth that we don’t burn or freeze? How do the seasons work, really? How is it that you’re still alive right now? How is it that your heart beats without you trying? How is it that you’ve been breathing and flowing blood, and managing hormone levels, and growing hair and nails, and rejuvenating your skin, and and and…
You really are so much more out of control of your life than you usually admit, so just give it up. Recognize that life is happening for you, and the only time you’re overwhelmed, stressed, or afraid is when you think you have to figure it all out.
The law of attraction is always on and the cooperative components involved like people, things, timing, and ideas are being drawn to you based on your practiced vibration – wanted or unwanted.
There is also no need to pray, beg, or request. The universe has heard your requests vibrationally and understands them fully, more so than you understand them actually. That’s because the universe has been collecting your desires every time you radiated the unwanted side of a subject. It understood and began to conspire for you. But you cannot receive it until you stop beating the drum of the things that you don’t have or how things aren’t working out.
A tip for here for those of us who are a bit more cynical, who were taught that no one is looking after you, who aren’t quite sure of their beliefs on a higher power. I have two suggestions:
- Consider the opposite reality
- Ask for proof / Test the universe
Considering the opposite is saying, fine you don’t believe we live in a friendly universe or at minimum a fair universe that simply reflects to you what you are (radiating). Maybe we’re all potentially a day away from a meteor hitting us, your heart might stop beating tonight, and you must struggle your way to success. How does that sound?
I had to come to terms with this myself. I asked myself, what if all of this is not true. What if there is no law of attraction? Then what? Well, I couldn’t really find a better reality for myself. I also liked the feeling of reaching for joy, taking ownership of my emotional state, and taking responsibility for the experience that was unfolding in my life. I’m so much happier now so I believe in this because it works for me and I find it quite fair and liberating.
Now, you must decide for yourself if it works for you.
Secondly, test the heck out of it. Say alright, I’ll play your stupid game. I’ll ignore all the annoying people, I’ll take full responsibility, I’ll pretend my spouse is perfect and that I’m the one bringing the worst out in him/her. I’ll just play and find things that seem interesting. I’ll give up my struggle for maybe 30 days or maybe 3 days. Then, just see what happens. See if that’s a way you want to live. See if things don’t unfold for you on their own.
I struggle with letting go of the struggle still today. But not a day goes by when the universe doesn’t reward me when I do. I’ll get an email about a new client, I’ll get a really cool opportunity, I’ll have one of the most exciting ideas I’ve had in a while, or I’ll actually be super productive, but in a fun way. I can’t explain it really, but I do suggest you just test it.
But really test it, don’t do it to see if something unfolds. That’s not giving up your struggle and effort: Be honest with yourself. Are you willing to stop all this action and effort and just flow for a while for no reason at all, but to feel your breath, move your body, contemplate, or just rest?
Bonus Reason: The Contrast Is Just More Obvious (Page 6)
Bonus Reason: The Contrast Is Just More Obvious
Lastly, this isn’t actually a reason Law of Attraction might be backfiring on you, but it must be stated. Once you start feeling good more often, the feeling of disappointment, frustration, or even slight rudeness feels more harsh because the contrast is more evident from your new natural state. For a while, I wondered if I was regressing in my journey because I remember when I first learned about LOA, it was constant relief and joy and epiphanies.
What happens after you spend time in a better feeling place, the epiphanies become kind of natural and expected. Recently, I closed my eyes and had a 15 minute conversation with my inner being with back and forth dialogue and that just felt very normal considering where I am. It happened only once, but I wasn’t in awe or tear jerkingly happy, it just felt natural considering my questioning and where I was. I honestly believe I can do it again today if I wanted to (and I probably will because it was pretty insightful), but it’s not a major leap. It’s not like a “wow!” moment whereas before I probably got a good insight once a week at most and it was amazing. Now, I’m almost in constant reflection, constant communication, constantly aware of my vibration.
So the “aha” moment will become more natural (still super impactful!), and the slight unwanted will feel worse. This will make you potentially more aware of the unwanted which will feel worse, but you must recognize the manifestations around you. Continue to count your blessings, and once in a while notice how much progress you’ve made!
Final Thoughts
You are honestly doing just fine. You’re exactly where you need to be. You are vibrating higher and your manifestations are so close when they feel like they are the natural next step. That’s why it doesn’t feel like “woah!”, but it totally is woah because you did it! You matched the vibration of your desired thing. You brought the healing, the connection, the improvement in bodily conditions, your financial blessings, and the fun experience. You did that. You are a powerful creator.
The nature of life is expansion. You are never regressing no matter what it looks like for you. Everytime you feel negative emotion, there is an even bigger vortex becoming and holding everything you are desiring vibrationally.
Share your thoughts below or email me directly at hello@mayraleen.com.
Much love,
Mayra Leen
