Confidence is not acquired or built in the way that you might be thinking.
It’s not something that you amass as you build your resume, stack up the diplomas, or augment your bank account.
We all know that logically, but somehow we still pursue things as if the moment we get “there”, things will change, as if in that place, somehow magically you will become a different person.
Chasing confidence that way is like looking for happiness externally. Many people will go out to chase it in various forms, but find that it is not there once they reach their goal or finally get the promotion or the house. However, instead of finding a different way, most people will incorrectly assume that maybe more money, more experiences, more friends, more accomplishments will instill that sense of confidence and self-worth.
Many people will find themselves towards the end of their life still unsure why they haven’t figured it out. Why they have the house, the car, the job, and the social life, and still feel empty or insufficient inside.
The other common myth is that confidence is something that only a few special people are born with. There’s this idea that some people just have it naturally and others don’t.
Ready for the plot twist?
Confidence is something each and every one of us is born with.
I know there’s people who say it’s a skill, something you must practice and there’s an element to that, but it’s more of a skill you are regaining. It’s an unlearning process rather than a skill-acquiring process.
So perhaps we’re all special in the way we’re born with this incredible confidence. There was a moment in your life when you didn’t question your worth or value or skills. As a new born, you were perfectly confident and aware of your worth.
Even if you had a rough childhood, I know that at the very beginning, you cried if you were not loved or fed or taken care of.
Because you knew you were worthy of being here, taking up space, and being loved.
Well, we can spend a while talking about that, and I’ll share a way we can explore that further at the end. But for now, what can you do? How can you find yourself again? How can you tap into that natural confidence and motivation in life
1. Focus on your strengths and what makes you unique
I’d like to remind you that you are one of a kind.
There is not a single person in the entire universe just like you!
Whatever it is that you’ve been telling yourself about who you are must be filtered through the context of the fact that you are you, and there’s no one who can be you better than you.
So, you might be comparing yourself to others in terms of your weight, hair, house, spouse, accomplishments, talents, skills or whatever, but no matter how brilliant anyone else is, they’re not you!
Fortunately, the universe has this beautiful yin and yang balance thing going on, and for the most part, you’ll be the yin to someone’s yang or the yang to someone’s yin. And trying to be otherwise, is why you feel so much discourse.
You’re meant to be different than others you are connected with or interact with. The perfect universe created it that way. So, stop focusing on what you’re not, and start embracing who you are.
If you’re ever stuck here (like everyone every day) – not feeling like you’re enough in some area of your life – write how you want to feel or think about the part of you that you feel insufficient about.
For example, for body image issues you might write “I love my body” even if it doesn’t feel true yet. Then, list true statements that align with that idea. For example, “I’m thankful I have arms and legs” or “I like my long eyelashes”. Write as many as you can fit on the page. I like to draw little clouds or balloons around the first statement and fill it with my true statements.
Once you’re done, re-read the original statement and I can almost guarantee that it will resonate more with you. Do this daily for a real transformative effect on your life. I’m not kidding.
2. Follow your bliss every single day
I get it. There’s things we need to get done in life that we might not feel like doing (I’ll address those later), but what’s most important is that your day is filled with things you do love to do.
These are things that give you life, and give you energy.
This is VERY important because you won’t be able to do anything in life without energy.
So make time every single day to do things that make you feel playful, fun, humorous, strong, happy, well, calm, or whatever it is you want to feel.
Bliss might seem like a stretch, but that’s the goal.
If you’re unsure of what you even like doing, think about what you enjoyed when you were about 8 years old. What would your 8-year-old-self prescribe to you right now?
Also start paying attention to your energy after situations, interactions, or activities. Did you just get energy or expend energy?
For most adults, focusing on bliss or fun everyday isn’t easy. Socially, we’re told to focus on responsibilities and stress management and retirement planning and perfect parenting… (I could go on).
So, it’s okay if this isn’t easy or natural, but just begin to gently seek your bliss. Pay attention to your energy and how your feeling. You’ll find your way.
Gratitude works wonders here. Thinking every night about your favorite moment will really help you zone in to what makes your heart flutter.
If you have any sense of guilt around this, remember that those around you would much prefer a happy and energized parent, boss, employee, daughter, son, friend, etc. Do this to have the energy and capacity to support those you love.
3. Create space to get inspired
This might seem similar to the previous tip, but following your bliss is an active following of your heart, and inspiration is something that kind of happens or comes to you.
You can’t make inspiration happen, but the good news is that inspiration is abundant and all around you! You’re just too busy with life to notice or too busy trying to make something else happen, so the goal here is to simply create “space” in your life to tune into inspiration.
At first, this might need to be more intentional. For example, time to meditate or time to slow down with breathing or walking in nature. Mindfulness is a great way to begin to slow down, too.
With practice, you’ll begin to notice impulses all the time, even when you’re not even trying to slow down or tune in. That’s when the magic really starts to happen for you.
The secret is to respond to the small nudges like when you get this weird urge to organize a drawer or open a book. It’ll seem insignificant, but that will help you to learn how to tap into your own inspiration for natural, easy action instead of will-power.
This will become your new motivation. You will never seek motivation again once you start to live in your bliss and start getting inspired more often.
The problem with motivation is that it is a desire for a level of effort to expend in order to do something you probably don’t want to do. So it’s hard, it’s exhausting, it’s tiring. If this wasn’t true, you wouldn’t be looking for motivation to get it done, you would’ve already done it. Let’s talk more about this in the next tip.
4. Find your “why” in every day tasks
Think about the things you don’t feel like doing. The things you feel you need motivation for…
Do you have a list yet?
For each item write why you want to do this or why you feel you need to do this.
If you were honest and willing to go deep into your why, this next part will be easy.
Cross out the items you realize you don’t actually need to do.
These are things that maybe someone told you that you should do or that you haven’t really realized why you even wanted to do this.
Next, dig even deeper into the “why” behind the items that are left. What are these really about? What is it that they symbolize for you?
For some items, you might have found out something new or remembered why you ever wanted to do this. Stay focused on that why and see if there’s another possible door or path that can take you to that same destination.
For example, maybe you’ve been wanting to write a book to impact and improve people’s lives. Would it be possible to do this through a podcast or YouTube account? It’s okay if you don’t have an answer. Just notice if there’s a why that is broader and can be accomplished in a different way than you’ve been attempting.
Maybe your thing was more like washing dishes because you want a home you enjoy and a place to relax. Can you hire someone? Can you create a nook in your home where you can relax without looking at the dishes?
Sometimes for things like house chores or even working out and eating healthy, getting clarity on your why actually inspires you to take more positive action. I’ve experienced this personally with cleaning and working out. I focus on how I feel afterwards. I’ve also realized I get new ideas while cleaning, so this has become part of my tuning in process.
Remember to stay focused on the why, and not the how. The how focuses on one path and one way to get it done, your why creates new paths and opens new doors to get it done.
A simple tip I use is after I write my daily to-do list, I write “get” before the words “to-do” (get to-do list vs. to-do list) and then I write “because” after each item and take just one minute getting clarity on my why before I take any action. A couple times, I cross out the item and decided not to do it if my why wasn’t compelling enough.
This goes back to following your bliss, being conscious about what you’re doing and why. Is it fun? Is it interesting? Is it good?
5. Tell yourself good things (Affirmations)
So far, I’ve told you to appreciate yourself, have fun, chill out, and remember why you’re doing what you’re doing. How’s that for minimal effort towards full confidence and motivation?
Time to give you a little work!
Here’s what you should know by now: There’s nothing external that will give you the confidence you seek. It is in your mind and in your beliefs about yourself.
How long have you been telling yourself that you’re not skinny enough or smart enough or disciplined enough or young enough or old enough or connected enough?
You are in charge here, and your mind will listen to every single thing you say like a direct command. So, you must tell you mind what you want.
Start small. I don’t want you to go back to comparing yourself to others, so don’t tell yourself something that will trigger you negatively or backfire.
Again, you want to feel inspired, you want to feel like “hell yeah!” when you are saying your affirmations.
So maybe start with something like, “I’m getting better”, “I’m getting a handle on this”, “I’ve grown so much”, “Look how far I’ve come”, and then build up to “I’m meant to do big things”, “I’m worthy of love and wealth”, and when you’re ready, you can even get specific and begin to visualize your future self as who you want to be, “I’m an extraordinary chef”, “I look forward to my book deal”, etc.
Some days some things will feel better than others, but begin to positively affirm to yourself who you are, what you are being, and where you’re going!
I have written affirmations and recorded ones that I’ll play in the mornings while I prepare my coffee. Sometimes I’ll just start to say them out loud when I know I’m off track (feeling stressed or overwhelmed).
It’s not easy to change your thoughts, but these tips will get you in the right direction. Life isn’t supposed to be a struggle. Be easy. Stay focused on your joy, and begin to follow your bliss.
Allow me to help you fast-track you progress and instill deep confidence and motivation in all areas of your life directly into your subconscious through hypnotherapy.
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